urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy Yeah. Duh!! 2009-10-13T07:15:32Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:36760 2009-10-13T07:15:32Z 2009-10-13T07:15:32Z I'm not a chaser. all I do is run. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:36435 2009-08-11T09:01:37Z 2009-08-11T09:01:37Z this is the only way I can describe how I feel right now:<br /><br />I've made plans of going on this walk to a place I've always wanted to go to. I put on my my most comfy and cute shoes, then make my way. the grass is fresh, green, and full of dew. But as I stroll through the lawn, I step in a pile of dung. I clean it off in the grass, though despite the fact that there is no shit on my shoe it's still a bit stinky and I can't help but be a bit disappointed about it. <br /><br /><br /><br />its like that everyday. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:35395 2008-06-20T08:04:33Z 2008-06-20T08:24:57Z So I've spent the past year figuring out what it is I can do and how to do it.<br /><br />After the whole art school ordeal, I've seemed to have lost sight of what it is I <i>want</i> to do.<br /><br /><br />I still don't know what the fuck it is that I am doing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:35263 2008-05-19T01:45:45Z 2008-05-19T01:47:22Z Nothing says you're fat like an extra twelve pounds on the scale :[<br />-not to mention your brother talking about how you've let yourself go.<br /><br />I really don't know how it happened. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:34562 2008-02-06T09:21:00Z 2008-02-06T09:24:47Z Sea Wolf - Black Dirt I wished my ex a Happy bDay.<br />it was w..e.<br />I expected the kid to call me and catch up, seeing as I got "hi hun" instead of "thank you."<br /><br />well yeah. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:34512 2008-01-30T20:31:15Z 2008-01-30T20:31:15Z So, For my birthday I will look like I'm going to lead Santa's sleigh.<br />I'm not happy about this.<br />I really don't feel cute.<br />at all.<br />and though I know this shall pass, of all fucking times to have such a palpable monstrosity on my face, this had to be it.<br />its like when I was in high school.<br />how low can my self esteem be now? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:33833 2007-12-19T10:19:12Z 2007-12-19T10:19:12Z Brent can't make the 23rd.<br />screw it.<br />I hate life now.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hopefully things will get better. I'll go shopping and feel less like a loser<br />-next paycheck :[ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:33702 2007-12-05T09:52:03Z 2007-12-05T09:52:03Z Farewell? Motion City Soundtrack has always made me smile.<br />seeing them was such a joy!<br />-with that said I've come to the conclusion that I'm so over going to shows.<br />kids these days ruin everything.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />well that was that :] urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:33245 2007-11-06T02:50:08Z 2008-01-26T10:35:52Z I try to keep my composure, but I guess I finally lost it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:32827 2007-11-03T04:37:10Z 2007-11-03T08:07:38Z NFG - understatement Is this really what I wanted out of him?<br />Bitch is playing games. I don't know what I'm doing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />gotta keep my head on my shoulders fer sure.<br />I don't believe in sincerity anymore. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:32570 2007-10-25T06:58:16Z 2007-10-25T06:58:16Z He's none of my business. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:32368 2007-10-13T14:22:49Z 2007-10-13T14:23:36Z the Fray I'm staying home today. I think it would be good for my mum if I kept her company. My dad didn't come home last night and he has her travel chair in the car. Since she doesn't have her chair she couldn't go on the trip to San Diego with my aunt and her family today. She's not taking it too well. I don't expect her to. I tried to get in contact with him, but no luck so far. I'm not quite sure if it would make a difference had I done so seeing as he is probably no good to anyone shit-faced and hung over. She doesn't get out much at all and I understand why she feels the way she does. Utter disappointment isn't exactly a warm feeling; Nor is it to cope with the fact that you can't do anything to help.<br /><br />I'ma make breakfast and play some scrabble as well as clean my room. But in the mean time I'll enjoy the extra morning hours to myself before I embark to this day or productivity [or so I hope it well be]. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:32172 2007-10-13T07:53:58Z 2007-10-13T08:00:09Z Lets play a game shall we?<br /><br />you can either pick choice <b>A</b> or <b>B</b>.<br>it's a win win situation either way right?<br>-you tell me.<br><br><b>A</b>] The boy opposite to you in every way, far far away.<br><br><i>or</i><br><br><b>B</b>] The love of your life.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>I think we know who you've had your mind set on. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:31739 2007-09-20T05:08:09Z 2008-01-30T20:20:46Z as of rite this moment, this is what keeps me stable minded.<br /><br /><center><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><lj-embed id="4" /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.epitaph.com/dispatch/_depot/title/medium/94721e166cf27af7f375e5036fc16033.jpg"><br /><br /></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:31223 2007-08-30T04:17:24Z 2007-11-30T17:36:44Z Cartel. He's so endearing in quite the bit of ways.<br />I almost feel bad.<br /><br /><br />I don't fall so quickly; not initially that is.<br />I don't trust easily; ever.<br />-that's my problem. [<small>or is it?</small>]<br />is this supposed to keep anyone from getting hurt?<br />it has yet to do so; but it prolongs stability and I'm fine with it.<br /><br />I don't fall quickly; but when I do I fall hard.<br />I don't trust easily; but if I do then its special [<small><b>very</b></small>].<br />-I say things that would melt your heart. Take them as you want.<br />but please don't think they lack sincerity.<br />There's truth in it and thought of you.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />I say things that would melt your heart.<br />Who am I to say it means what you think, when I don't know what that is.<br />they're words. its an interpretation. <br />you <i><b>are</b></i> important to me.<br /><br /><br />I say things you've said to me.<br />what does this mean?<br />it means that it means something. it means <b>you</b> mean something.<br />be faithful because I'm trying, and in these circumstances it's nothing simple.<br /><i>I</i> am nothing simple. I apologize if it troubles you.<br /><br /><br />-"<b>It's better than silence.</b>" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:30958 2007-08-15T04:57:27Z 2007-08-15T04:57:27Z I hear noises - Tegan and Sara My Brother is <b>not</b> okay.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />the worlds a shitty place it's really got the best of him.<br />when some one throws around the word <b>Suicide</b>, its really a red flag.<br /><br />I am able to connect with him at times, but still I do not feel connected.<br />I feel I can handle the fact that these aren't the best of times, just a bit more that he can.<br />maybe not. I don't know. but if that's the case, perhaps thats a deterrent in him being able to find more positive aspects and outlets in his life.<br />the fact is, we can agree to quite the bit of things, but we just don't have the same way of seeing for certain matters.<br />I love my brother very much.<br /><br />I just don't know if theres anything I can do to help him in any such way. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:30502 2007-08-01T09:18:33Z 2008-02-13T08:36:37Z Men are disgusting and I've just about given up on the human race.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />Maybe I'll stay single.<br />-for the rest of my life. that just might be a good idea too.<br /><br />If only I could be straight...<br /><br />I hate being gay<br />I hate living in the valley<br />I hate life.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />and I hate the fact that I whine so much.<br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:30379 2007-07-17T21:31:44Z 2007-08-03T12:47:31Z Postal Service I've come to the conclusion I am going to settle.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a>I'm a piece of shit with the worst of luck.<br />so what, was I meant to live a life where happiness is something no more than ephemeral?<br />-where I can't do anything to help myself?<br />-where I want so bad to just put someone at blame because the fact is this is just how things are and I can't change them?<br /><br />whatever I'll be a nobody.<br />I'll go against every word I said about who I am and will be.<br />it's not like I'll ever be that person anyway.<br />No, I wont find success, I'll settle for little to no progress.<br />I'm a fool and made myself look stupid.<br /><br /><br />So much for being above all that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:30030 2007-07-05T16:21:50Z 2007-07-05T16:21:50Z :: knock on wood ::<br /><br />I saw a [what appeared to be] a black widow by my bed, and I failed in my attempt to kill it.<br />So now it's alive, out there. Ready and able to kill people and stuff!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />eek. I slept in the living room.<br />On top of that I only got like four hours of sleep.<br />I'm soo scared to sleep in my bed.<br />I'll probably try tomorrow night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:29328 2007-06-11T03:57:41Z 2007-07-01T18:41:45Z Tegan and Sara I'm feelin' really wierd right now.<br />I just woke up.<br />I was thinking.<br />I was thinking, about so many things.<br />one of which, right now is:<br />have I become impotent?<br />Life has thrown "desirable" flesh in my face all day today.<br /><br />Though if I really think about it, it's not so different from any other day, the media sells sex for a living and it's something I'm exposed to on a regular basis.<br />-that's besides the point.<br />it seems physical attributes have lost their appeal to me.<br />does this mean I'm growing up?<br />-looking past these features that have once initially caught my eye so easily.<br />I don't know.<br />It's so difficult to find a real genuine person these days, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore that one would have a pretty face [not that it goes unacknowledged]<br />I'm just so indifferent to all of it.<br />perhaps this is just a stage, or something of the sort.<br /><i>I don't know</i><br /><br />next matter of business...<br /><br />I'm thinking about the things I've done.<br />I'm thinking, ten, maybe six years ago, as a kid would I have thought that I would have done the things I have?<br />involved myself with the people that I shouldn't have?<br />treated others, and <i>myself</i> the way I have?<br />probably not.<br />I always figured I'd grow up a fucking saint.<br />-get good grades, and be friendly; you know, make everyone proud.<br />I'm not saying I haven't done so aleady, I'm sure I have in some way or another. I just didn't do it as I thought I would.<br /><br />So, where the hell is life supposed to take me?<br />What kind of plan is set for me?<br />and why the one that has already been put in place?<br />Is this how things are supposed to be, or did I go wrong somewhere and fuck everything up for me?<br />I don't know.<br />I try to have my mind set towards moving forward; though I can't help but think "what if"<br /><br />I'm pleased with many aspects of my life.<br />Sure, they could be "better"<br />but they aren't, so why stress myself on that?<br />Like I said, I'm pleased; that should be more that sufficient in accepting what is.<br /><br />"<b>God grant me the serenity<br />to accept the things I cannot change;<br />courage to change the things I can;<br />and wisdom to know the difference.</b>"<br /><br />[you might say that its very cliché of me bring that passage into this blog though it is of much signifance to me so back off]<br /><br />Am I religious?<br />maybe I am, maybe not.<br />I don't think that's for me to say.<br />Though I've made an understanding of what's been taught to me.<br />Growing up I was given a belief system; and from it I've taken the best and tried to apply it to my life as much as I can.<br />I'm not perfect and make [many] mistakes, as I've said over and over again.<br /><br /><br />hm.<br />sigh.<br /><br />my dog is cute :]<br />anywho.<br />I'll close with:<br /><br />I know, don't worry.<br />and then sometimes,<br />I just <i><b>Don't</i></b> know.<br />let's just be glad that I do when I do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:29150 2007-05-22T07:59:01Z 2007-05-22T07:59:01Z All I can picture is the color of your eyes, and the way you make me smile<br />I ain't felt this in a while,<br />But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion<br />Chaos and confusion but I'm not gonna let it ruin<br />The way I feel about myself 'cause I have self-esteem, sometimes I<br />Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><lj-embed id="2" /><br /><br /><br /><br />Music...&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:28766 2007-05-19T10:51:57Z 2007-05-19T11:21:17Z Zolof the rock & roll destroyer - plays pretty for baby I'm disappointed yes.<br />-But I'm more disappointed in the fact that I care enough to feel that way.<br />Perhaps he just doesn't get it.<br /> Then again neither do I.<br /><br />end -3:50am. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:28624 2007-05-13T13:17:40Z 2007-05-13T13:18:58Z Fox Chase Drive - Close The Door At this point, I no longer know what I have to offer.<br />-Nor do I know what think of myself.<br />is this anything less than what I expected?<br />I didn't know what to expect.<br />It's definately worth another shot.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />Well, that "innocence" was lost a long time ago.<br /><br /><br />I can only hope for the best now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:28281 2007-05-12T10:22:18Z 2007-05-12T10:22:18Z I was tired!<br />geeeze.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />:-/<br />no tom, or eric.<br /><br />I guess I really am an attention starved girl<br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:call_him_andy:28111 2007-05-04T08:56:30Z 2007-05-04T08:56:30Z I've gotta keep my cool.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hmmm.<br />am I overbearing?<br />do I come off strong?<br />-or is it that I come off desperate?<br />maybe I just scream easy :[<br />Why can't I just meet anyone as awesome as me?<br />haha.<br />well, perhaps I shouldn't be in search of such things at this time and point.<br />'kay.<br />end: 2:00 am.